The Grass is Greener Wherever You Water It

The saying, "Plant the seed, and soon a flower will grow," is an analogy about leaving your imprint on someone. Lately, I've had to revisit what that truly means. Flowers don't grow simply because a seed was planted—they grow through consistent nurturing. That forced me to ask myself: Do I truly have the ability to nurture the people I want to see grow?

That question hit home for me this week because I've grown increasingly frustrated with certain aspects of my family. I want my family to be healthy—not only for me, but for themselves. I want them to experience what living a healthy lifestyle actually feels like, and I want to have as many years with them as possible.

Since I'm the youngest, I carry a burden of regret. I often wonder if I didn't do enough to educate them about the consequences of their lifestyle habits. I come from a family where substance abuse is normalized until someone is diagnosed with an illness. Only then does the conversation shift toward living a healthier life.

So what does it truly take to nurture someone into becoming the healthy flower I know they're capable of being?

One thing that has bothered me for years is my mother's addiction to cigarettes. I hate cigarettes with a passion. I believe they, much like alcohol, have devastated countless lives. If only I could teach my mother healthier ways to manage her anxiety—through meditation, therapy, prayer, or simply learning healthier coping mechanisms—instead of relying on cigarettes to numb life's stressors, it would mean the world to me.

I know I've planted the seed, but I often feel like I fall short of consistently watering it. Sometimes it feels as though, no matter how many times I water that seed, it will never sprout. I don't always feel heard, and I don't know how much patience I have left to keep trying.

There's another saying that has always stuck with me: "People will never change until they're ready to change."

What pains me is how often, within Black culture, it seems to take something traumatic before we commit ourselves to transformation. Why are we so attached to living with our trauma instead of learning from it? Why isn't healing more appealing to my people?

I don't believe a lack of education is a sufficient excuse anymore. Learning about my ancestors and their resilience played a major role in my own sobriety. I can't imagine the suffering they endured as they fought for freedoms that many of us now take for granted. Yet today, we often use that freedom to destroy ourselves, whether through violence, addiction, or unhealthy habits.

Our existence in America alone is a miracle. Sometimes I wonder if the endless distractions surrounding us have kept us from discovering who we truly are, and perhaps that's one reason we fail to appreciate the gift of our own lives.

But it's never too late to heal.

Since choosing healing, my life has been filled with a level of tranquility I never thought was possible. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Healing is a lifelong journey that changes the way you see almost everything. It changes the media you consume, the people you surround yourself with, the relationship you have with your own thoughts, and the way you care for your body. I've never met someone who was spiritually healthy while completely neglecting the temple that carries their spirit.

I often look back at the person I used to be and realize I never loved myself enough to treat myself with gentleness. I wasn't patient enough to develop independent thought. I allowed the opinions, expectations, and influences of others to shape who I became instead of allowing my own convictions to guide my life.

That is what healing has taught me.

I've learned that seasons of isolation are necessary for my spiritual and mental growth. By looking within, I found clarity that gave me a deeper understanding of my purpose here on Earth.

That's all I want for my family.

So I'll continue to show up. I'll continue planting seeds. And no matter how long it takes, I'll keep watering them, hoping that one day they'll choose the path toward greater health for themselves.